So great Hugi! Ahhhh it’s so inspiring to read. It really makes me feel excited about what is going on at the house and the square. I think the text is clear and extremely persuasive about why the spaces and initiatives should be supported.
Comments on Hampus’ comments :
I think it’s possible to read both possibilities as though there were a cap. It could be worth adding something like “There may as yet be only 40 members”, though I am not sure it matters that much, especially because the first paragraph says we want to expand to 80 members in 2021. I’m now in a place where I’ve read both sentences so many times that both sound super weird, but I don’t think there is much difference in it.
I think the fact that the 10 people are not paid makes it clear that they are running Blivande alongside other activities. And the fact that 10 people want to give time to helping run the place because they believe in the vision is a big plus!
Comments on the text:
p.4 paragraph 3
Through that trust, it becomes possible to use resouces according to ability and need,
p.4 paragraph 3
Incentives are used to cultivate the best possible ecosystem, rather than for profit.
Perhaps something like: “Activity is driven by the motivation to cultivate the best possible ecosystem through collaboration, [rather than to generate profit // rather than the traditional incentive of individual monetary gain]”
I liked @hampus’ addition of contrasting togetherness with individualism but found the suggested alternative a bit jargon-y and alienating as compared to the rest of the text.
p.4 paragraph 4
Blivande should be a creative village in the city
Not sure about “should”, in a similar way to what Hampus said about Frihamnstorget. Blivande “will” be? “strives to be”?
I LOOOOOOVE THE INTER-CONNECTED FACE BUBBLES MAP!!!
p.8 paragraph 2: There is an “r” missing from Frihamnstorget
p.8 paragraph 3
A typical Frihamnstorget activity is weekly “Work Is Play”-days, where people are invited to co-create projects at the square while a DJ plays tunes, food and drink
is available in the café and everyone
is invited to either pick up a tool, or a paitbrush or to just lie down in a hammock
with a cold drink. Frihamnstorget is also a place for high quality art installations, galleries, performances and other culture experiences.
Agree with Hampus that it’s a bit clunky. Suggestion:
A typical activity at Frihamnstorget is “Work Is Play”. Once a week, people are invited to spend the day on the square and co-create projects while a DJ plays tunes and food and drink is served from the café. Everyone is invited to pick up a tool or a paintbrush, or simply flop down in a hammock with a cold drink. Artists and makers get extra hands working on their projects, while those with less experience get an accessible way to learn new skills from talented people. [I added that last bit because I think it’s a cool thing about work is play, though you’ve kind of said that before so fee free to ignore]
Frihamnstorget is also a place for high quality art installations, galleries, performances and other culture experiences.
Though to be honest, to me “high-quality” is overused in advertising and starts to sound a bit gimmicky and cheap. Consider changing for “outstanding” or a similar superlative?
p.9 paragraph 1
Blivande are the stewards
Blivande has been referred to ib the singular up until now
A food-based fairy tale art experience for groups.
I think this counts as fairy tale being used as an adjective, so needs a hyphen.
A collaborative design process exploring disagreement as a decision making principle, funded by Kulturbryggan.
Same as above for decision-making
p.12 paragraph 2
exhibitions, clubs as well as our public community events.
exhibitions and clubs as well as our pubic community events
Blivande is a full member of the Trans Europe Halles network
of cultural spaces and will seek exchanges with it’s partner spaces around Europe in 2021.
its (it’s = it is; its = belonging to it)
I agree about the way the text and has been superimposed on the images, on the cover and the last page. Perhaps just adding one of those faded white or black box thingies under the text would help it to stand out more?